Saturday, January 23, 2010

转载 “我真的不知道梁思成和林徽因是不是幸福”

一个朋友是梁家亲戚,回忆起家人谈梁林,那种羡慕与略带醋意的语调,即便隔了几十年仍然让人感觉扑面而来--林徽因在建筑设计上有着过人的敏感,然而,只 有她的家人知道,这位才女在和梁思成一起工作的日子里,从来只肯画出草图便要撂挑子。后面,自有梁思成来细细地将草图变成完美的成品。而才女林徽因这时便 会以顽皮小女人的姿态出现,用各种吃食来讨好思成。

  这段轶事,是2003年的时候才知道的,以之询于中央美院参加过人民英雄纪念碑设计组的教授,那位一贯艺术家风度极强的老先生,脸上露出的是孩子气的微笑:

  梁思成不在的时候,林徽因的图并不是不能自己画。

  也许,她要的就是这种被思成宠着的感觉。而宠着林徽因,只怕也是梁思成最大的快乐。

  女人,有时可以不讲理一下?

  女人,有时可以不讲理一下。

徐志摩在紧追林徽因时,发现前来寻他的张幼仪已经怀孕,便说:“把孩子打掉。”那年月打胎是危险的。张说:“我听说有人因为打胎死掉的。”徐说:“还有人因为坐火车死掉的呢,难道你看到人家不坐火车了吗?”

  从这一段对话,也许可以看出徐志摩和梁思成最不同的地方。

  当因了陆小曼的一个个烟泡而为钱奔忙不堪,随飞机坠落的那一瞬间,徐志摩可会想到张幼仪?

  张幼仪终身不曾言徐之不是。

  男人,委实没有不讲理的权力。

  梁思成也罢,金岳霖也罢,都是那种有一副宽厚温暖的胸怀,可以让女人靠一下的男人。林徽因在北京城墙上的坚持,尽显一个建筑学家的执着与刚烈,但是,再刚烈的女子,恐怕也无法避免对身后有一副坚实臂膀的期待。这种说不清的东西,就是一个男人的责任。

  有时候,放弃也是一种对爱的负责,比如金岳霖最后一刻的弃权。

林 徽因对徐志摩的感情,可以从很多地方看出来,一如我们每个人都可能有自己曾经深爱而又终于未能相守终生的人,即便几十年的风雨过后,依然在你心中一角深深 埋藏。关于林徽因和徐志摩的评价,大概还是要用梁从诫先生的话来说吧,我以为那是最贴切的说法-- “徐志摩的精神追求,林徽因完全理解,但反过来,林徽 因所追求的,徐志摩未必理解……”

  一个男人面对一个远比自己成熟的女子,就算他是中国的雪莱,在恋爱的季节,也不是一个乐观的兆头。

  所以,林没有选择徐,几乎可说是命中早已注定的事情。

当胡兰成用一块砖头把张爱玲变成被砸晕了的快乐女孩的时候,梁思成正在为林徽因清理前面路上所有可能绊倒她的杂木乱石,有时候,还会被林徽因用砖头砸一个两眼发黑。

  婚姻是一座城,它可以围困你,也可以守护你。

梁思成究竟因为什么原因使林徽因最终投下终身?林徽因自己没有回答,她说,会用一生来回答这个问题。

今天的日本,最美丽的旅游城市,就是京都和奈良,一个世俗,一个出尘。

  如果没有梁思成,早就没有京都,也没有奈良了。

  1944年,时任中国战区文物保护委员会副主任的梁思成,奉命向美军提供中国日占区需要保护的文物清单和地图,以免盟军轰炸时误加损伤。这份材料,是梁思成历尽心血完成的。

  但梁思成希望美军能将另外两个不在中国的城市也排除在轰炸目标之外--日本的京都和奈良。

  1932年,上海淞沪会战中,十九路军抗敌的前线,一个清华大学出身的年轻炮兵军官在激战中因无医无药殉于阵中。

  梁思米,吃大米,梁思忠,吃大葱……

  这是后来的火箭专家梁思礼先生当年写下的句子。梁家,大体就是这样一个快乐的地方。

  这个年轻的炮兵军官就是梁思成的亲弟弟梁思忠。

  1941年,在成都,日军利用恶劣天气,以诡异的云上飞行方式奇袭中国空军双流基地,一个中国飞行员不顾日机的轰炸扫射,冒死登机,起飞迎战,在跑道尽头未及拉起就被击中,壮烈殉国。

  三年后,林徽因依然为这个战死的中国飞行员写了一首哀婉的长诗,叫做《哭三弟恒》。

  这个中国飞行员,就是林徽因的三弟,“在北平西总布胡同老宅我们叫做三爷的那个孩子”--林恒。

  因了国恨家仇,梁思成先生进入营造学社后从不与日本人交往。在长沙大轰炸的烈火中,谦谦君子的梁思成怒吼出:“多行不义必自毙,总有一天我会看到日本被炸沉的!”

所 以当梁思成提出保护京都和奈良时,在当时的人们看来是一个难以理解的决定,而且,也超出他的工作范围。但是,他依然这样做了,而且并不是临时起意而已。他 的弟子罗哲文这样记载他们从事这项工作时候的情景:“他们住在重庆上清寺中央研究院……每天,梁先生拿过来一些图纸,让罗哲文根据他事先用铅笔标出的符 号,再用绘图仪器绘成正规的地图。罗哲文虽然没有详问图纸的内容,但大体可以看出,地图上许多属于日本占领区的范围。而梁先生用铅笔标出的,都是古城、古 镇和古建筑文物的位置。还有一些地图甚至不是中国的。当时罗哲文虽然没有仔细加以辨识,但有两处他是深有印象的,那就是日本的古城京都和奈良。”

  梁思成这样解释他提出这个建议的原因--“要是从我个人感情出发,我是恨不得炸沉日本的。但建筑绝不是某一民族的,而是全人类文明的结晶。”

至今,依然有日本人认为当年侵略中国,是文明对野蛮的战争。

  那么,有梁先生这样的中国人,就是在无言地告诉后人,日本人那时是在戕害一个怎样高贵的民族。

林徽因选择的梁思成,是怎样的一个男人。

他不一定有徐志摩的才华,也不一定有胡兰成的浪漫,但是,梁思成,是那种胸中真正有一个大海的男人。

  谁能看到这片大海,谁才能配得上梁思成。

  有人问梁思成和林徽因在一起幸福吗?

  我不知道。

   我只知道在抗战中,他们曾共同守在贫穷的李庄。那时,梁思成的脊椎病使他必须穿上铁马甲才能坐直,体重降到四十七公斤;那时,林徽因在日日咯血的生死线 上挣扎,“几个月的时间就毁灭了她曾经有过的美丽”。那是真正的受难,没有电,没有自来水,每日伴随他们的是臭虫和油灯。

  然而,当外国友人邀请他们定居美国的时候,这一对苦难中的人拒绝了。他们说,中国在受难,他们要与自己的祖国一起受苦。

  林徽因在回答“日本人来了怎么办”这句话时,平静而言:“门外不就是扬子江?”

  而另一件值得一提的事情,是由于奈良附近的军事目标众多,1945年,盟军不得不作出对其进行轰炸的准备。而为了最大限度地保护奈良的历史遗迹,盟军需要一张标明详细文物地点的地图。

  这一次,画这张图的,是林徽因。

  当抗战胜利的时候,人们才知道,他们竟然在李庄写出了十一万字的《中国建筑史》,两个人那时每天为了这部书工作到夜半,竟然“欲罢不能”。

  我真的不知道梁思成和林徽因是不是幸福。

有的男人是真丈夫,当得起让人生死相许

  海的梁思成。

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Internal Peace

One of my friends' birthday wish is to gain internal peace.

Since college, people around me have completed their post-graduate studies, promoted to a new position, got married, become parents, bought a new house, etc., while I'm still working on my degrees and being at the same life stage as before. I would question myself why my life is stagnant. Anxiousness has started to grow inside me.

Internal peace will be my birthday wish as well.
Be happy who I am,
Enjoy what I do,
Content what I have, and
Be confident what I can achieve.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Bizarre

I met one of my neighbors when he was walking his three dogs. At that time, all his three dogs were small and very adorable. Three months later, when I saw him again, he had two small ones and one big one. While I was wondering where the his third dog went, he told me the big one had grown from the size when I first met him. He also mentioned he was a Tibetan mastiff. I had no idea what Tibetan mastiff was. Only until a couple weeks later, one of my Chinese colleagues told me that Ma Junren, who was a coach for long distance running in 1990s, was breeding Tibetan mastiffs nowadays. And Tibetan mastiff is a very expansive dog in China. I got to know the level of expansiveness today. A piece of news on a young Chinese woman from Xi'an paid $600,000 for a Tibetan mastiff was in USA Today.

When I was browsing the online news, I was shocked to see one on how South Koreans think about height of a person.

The prevalence of extreme, bizarre news in the main stream media astonishes me. Furthermore, media report news as if they are advertising some Hollywood movies.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thanksgiving weekend

It was on the way back from a Korean restaurant that my friend's girlfriend, who moved to the US in the middle school and became a US citizen recently, started the conversion why fewer Chinese were in the management positions in Microsoft than their Indian counterparts. Then the discussion extended to the overall social status of Chinese in the US. Chinese who have climbed up the social ladders in the states were admired and celebrated. When she further asked how to achieve fortune and fame in the states, I realized that she still thought the US was the most promising country in the future. I replied right now China is the biggest lender to the US. It might be more practical to know how to achieve fortune and fame in China.

The next day was Thanksgiving. I was invited to a friend's for dumplings. Her boyfriend who liked to create different ways of wrapping dumplings suggested that we could cook the dumplings like doing hotpot. I didn't like the idea. But my friend took her cooker for hotpot out. We cooked dumplings like hotpot.

It was black Friday. I went grocery shopping in the afternoon. My friend who drove me went shopping in the morning as well. She said the peak hour was 6-7am. She went at 8am. In the evening, we went to the Evangelical Chinese Church. It was my second time going there. After free dinner, a guest speaker did a missionary lecture. Frankly, I didn't like the speaker. He disliked everything unchristian. Even though my friend just officially claimed that she became a believer, I felt like she was ordained.

Yesterday, I had dim sum with some schoolmates in Chinatown. Before going home, we went to Uwajimaya. When I was at the book store, I browsed a very funny book titled "The Big Bento Box of Unuseless Japanese Inventions". I couldn't help laughing out loud in the store.

This afternoon, I saw "Red Cliff". The story is widely known. It was not only made into part of a popular TV series in mainland China a few years ago, but also included in my high school Chinese text book. However, the movie was OK. I didn't remember much. In addition to the bloody battle scenes, I could only recall a couple things such as making bombs and playing soccer, and a few sentences such as 以我多年种田的经验 (based on my many years experience of farming).

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Wednesday Morning

On Monday, I finally submitted a paper with my second revision. One of the reviewers seemed to find something that s/he didn't find during the first round of review. On Tuesday, I started revising another report. I still had to prepare data for my dissertation analysis. I have been in the PhD program for a while. It is time for me to graduate. I should also look for jobs. I want to stay in the academia. Universities have gone under budget cut. Job postings are fewer compared with a few years ago. At a conference in October, I saw quite a few newly graduated PhDs looking for jobs.

I decided that I should get up early to work on the report on Wednesday. After my morning routine of a glass of warm water, I started eating breakfast. I picked up, Flight, one of the books that I have piled on the table. It was the 11th chapter. Zits was in one of the Indian battles. He got into the body of an old soldier who killed Indians. I finished half of a sandwich. The avocado was so creamy. I couldn't have enough of it. The battle scene was vividly described, bloody and brutal. I was glad that I was not eating meat or anything red in the morning. Maybe it was not a good idea to read such a scene in the morning. Then I read
...Without stopping, that white soldier reaches down and picks up Bow Boy. Cradles the child in one arm. And the while soldier keeps running...That white soldier, a small saint, is trying to save Bow Boy...In the midst of all this madness and murder, one soldier has refused to participate. He has chosen the opposite of revenge...

Tears started to fill my eyes. I almost expected to see the five year old boy being brutally murdered. How courageous the soldier is! Against the order to save lives! While I was crying, I couldn't help keep reading. I didn't want to finish it so fast, but I also wanted to know how the story developed.

When I managed to finish my breakfast, the clock showed it was 9:30. I had to catch my bus.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Montreal and Quebec City

I went to Montreal and Quebec City for a week towards the end of September. I wish my French is better. I did enjoy both cities.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Fictions

Most of books in English I read are non fiction. It's not that I don't like fictions. I enjoy Chinese Ku-fu fictions, Chinese romantic novels, Chinese history novels, etc. Well, I guess I like Chinese fiction. Fictions, like jokes and humors, demand culture, history, value, even religion understanding to be entertained. In addition, fictions bring something that people can relate to or fantasize with. As a Chinese born and raised in China, I can't relate many things in the US, even though I have been living in the US for almost eight years. Or it also might be everything in the US is (or encouraged to be) individualized that collective identities are understood or interpreted differently.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Crater Lake

Last weekend, I went to Crater Lake National Park with a friend of mine. The lake is very beautiful. The water is super clear and blue. Of course, I couldn't resist to swim in the lake.


Crater Lake


I'm at Crater Lake taking pictures


nearby the boat tour dock


The water, the lake



close look at the water where I swam

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Fortune Telling

My parents told me that some fortune teller had foreseen that I would have high education when I was still a baby.

In college, I was stopped by a palm reader after I visited a temple. He said I would marry late.

A few years ago, I did palm reading to a person I didn't know. I told him that he would be a bachelor until when he reached 40. He told me later that he got married at 39.

I remember in a documentary about a woman looking for her biological parents in Cambodia. The woman did some fortune telling to see if she could find her parents during her trip. The fortune teller told her that she wouldn't find her parents, but she would find a husband. At the end, she indeed couldn't find her parents, and found a husband instead.

Fortune telling is very fascinating. Or I just choose those tend to be true to remember?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Olympic National Park

I went camping at the Olympic National Park two weekends ago with some friends.

Here are some pictures taken by my friends.











Friday, July 10, 2009

Urumqi

In the afternoon, I saw a friend of mine who lived in Urumqi to study Uyghur traditional medicine last year. She has been very upset since she heard the news of the riots. She lived at the street where the riot happened last Sunday. She taught classes at a university in Urumqi with both Han and Uyghur students. She has both Han and Uyghur friends in Urumqi.

On the other hand, I haven't been to the region. I don't have any Uyghur friends. Thanks to courses that I have taken at the school of international studies and the experience of living in the US and China, I understand things always have more than one perspectives. I'm standing in the middle of chaos.

Both of us agreed that it was very strange for the Chinese government to finger Rebiya Kadeer responsible for the riots in Urumqi. It is like the Chinese government wants to create a leader for the Uyghurs, like Dalai for the Tibetans? Or there are something needed to be covered up?

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Lake Serene Revisit

One of my first blog entries is about Lake Serene hike in July 2005. I enjoyed the hike a lot. The only thing I didn't try that time was swimming in the lake. I finally did it today!

The weather was sunny and warm today. Even though half of the lake is still covered with flowing ice, there were a few people before me jumping into the lake. All of them came out of the water speechless. The person just right before me said even his teeth felt cold. I'm very glad that I finally swam in Lake Serene.







Sunday, June 28, 2009

Friday, June 26, 2009

TV

Do you know that recently CNN reported that a study found that teens who watched more TV were more likely to be pregnant?

Really?

Do you watch TV?

I even don't have a TV at my apartment.

No wonder at 30 you're still single without a kid.

Kendo

For some reason, I think I can excel in Kendo. I'll start my first ever Kendo class next Wednesday!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Yosemite

Six years ago, I went to Yosemite first time with one of my good friends, Sylvia. We bought train passes and took a ten-day trip to California in September. Yosemite was our second stop. It was beautiful.

Last weekend, another good friend of mine, Guilan, invited me to go to Yosemite again. I have to go of course. Not only because it is Yosemite, but also it is spring! There will be famous waterfalls I missed last time! We even hiked up to Half Dome!

Friday, April 03, 2009

清明

下午打电话给家里的时候才知道今天是清明节。这几天西雅图正是雨雪不断。联想起杜牧的一首诗。

清明时节雨纷纷,
路上行人欲断魂。
借问酒家何处有?
牧童遥指杏花村。

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Movies

I love movies. I like watching other people's stories.

Last month, I saw "Slumdog Millionaire". When I got back home from the movie, I couldn't help searching the related information/comments/movie critics online. The scene the young Jamal holding the picture of Amitabh Bachchan and jumping into a pile of excrement to seek Amitabh Bachchan's autograph has stuck in my mind.

Three weeks ago, I saw "He's Just Not That Into You". After the movie, my girl friends and I couldn't stop talking about the movie.

About two weeks ago, I saw "Watchman". I didn't remember the movie very much, except a sentence by one of the characters.

When you left me, I left Earth.

Yesterday, I saw another movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button". I was very touched.

Am I also looking for myself in the movies?

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Lost and Found

It happened yesterday.

I was reaching out to my belt to get my house keys. I didn't feel my keys. I turned around and found that there was only a key holder hanging on my belt. My heart started to sink. I had a very quick flashback what I did. I just finished a class about one hour ago. I took the bus to school in the morning. I said to myself I must have lost my keys in the classroom or in the bus. Somehow I felt like the chance that I lost my keys in the classroom was bigger. I graped my lab keys and put on my coat, and left my department building to the classroom where I had a morning class. There was no keys in the classroom. Then, I went to the lost and found desk in the HUB. No keys were turned in the morning. My heart sunk.

On the way back to the Gould Hall, I played back in my head what I had done in the morning. I remembered when I closed the door behind me, I put my gloves in one of the pockets of my coat, the same side I hanged my house keys. My handbag was just sitting on the pocket. Was it possible I lost the keys on the way to the bus stop? The chance of recovering my keys was getting slimmer. I started to feel a bit of panic.

I was very glad that I called Susan. She suggested me to call my property manager first. She also gave me a few numbers of locksmiths. I didn't have the phone number of the property manager with me. I had to call the locksmiths. The first one asked for $100 to open my door. The second one asked for $80. The third one asked for $100 as well. Hearing such high cost of the locksmiths just made me feel bad that I lost my keys. I said to myself at least I found out I lost the keys early. It would be worse if I had found that out at night.

I decided that I should go back home first and then asked the locksmith who asked for $80 to come open the door for me. On the way home, I got a phone call from the third locksmith I called. He said he would offer me the lowest price. I told him that I would call him when I got back home.

When I got off the bus, I started to search around as I walked home. I couldn't find any keys. When I was crossing the street and got closer to my apartment, I started to get nervous. For a second, I wish I would find my keys by the door. Standing in front of my door, I was stunned. My keys were hanging on the door. One of the keys was still in the lock on my door!!!